the send-steve-to-antarctica fund

would you like to see steve perish in the brutal antarctic conditions? would you like to see him devoured by a hoard of angry penguins? have you wondered if they really do have canada dry vending machines there, but have been too scared to attempt to find out? or would you just like to rid the continent of a constant menace to society?

if you proclaimed "yes!" to any of the above questions, you're in luck! now, for less than $0.07 a day, you can send steve on his way to the south pole! that's right, under TWO DOLLARS a month to send da yangsta to test his wit and strength in the hostile conditions of the antarctic continent. don't delay!!!

still not convinced that you should part with your hard-earned dinero? let me put it this way: the average american spends an average of over $4000 a day on... yup, you guessed it - plots to take over the world. now, i don't know if this figure is representitive of the american public or if it's just some multi-gazillionaires driving up the average [cough]billgates[cough], but it is still astounding! c'mon, do you, mr. joe fitzgerald, really need to waste this much cash on world domination when there is a good cause begging at your feet for your [monetary] support?

the world needs your help TODAY! don't delay a single minute. pick up that transponder of yours and call the friendly folks at the send-steve-to-antarctica fund RIGHT NOW! why? well, do you really want steve on this continent? send him far far away where no man (or woman [winkwink]) will ever see or hear from him ever again!

since the beginning of humanity, society has looked down upon corrupted politicians, homicidal maniacs, george w. bush, and professional basketball players. unfortunatly, steve is neither one of those. however, he is still hated enough to merit deportation from humanity.

the fine print

inspired by kay mclaughlin. for entertainment purposes. not for human intake. please store in a cool, dry place. to be taken with e-meal or milk. shake well before serving. not to be taken with other drugs containing ibuprofen. removal of seal constitutes end of warranty. limited time offer. some restrictions apply. see in-store display for details. container opened when seal is popped. do not operate heavy machinery after intake. surface slippery when wet. road work ahead. yield to squirrels. bridges ice before roadways. must be 18 or older to order. shipping and handling not included. batteries not included. hot girl on cover not included. nothing included. contents may have settled during transit. the send-steve-to-antarctica fund (from hereonforth refered to as THE FUND) is not responsible for bodily or mental harm resulting from contributing to THE FUND.